Wanna Be

I wanna scream
I wanna be.
There’s something awesomely destructive brewing within me
Like fireworks
I just wanna know how it feels not to be held back from the demands of others and society
Is it true?
Can we really ever truly be free?
They’ll always be the mental slavery
How do I break the bond?
To slam dance in the small, dark, space like we’re bacteria congregating.
Hit the ceiling of tolerance and break it.
This world makes us believe that we’re free and we have a decision or vote like a democracy.
But really we don’t. I’m free in my own mind to not let anyone convince me out of my rights and soul.
I’ll never sell my soul to the highest bidder…………

Letting You Know

I knew you were here for a reason.
You were an angel in disguise.
I’m letting you know
I’m here.
I’m okay.
Even though you and i both know that I’m here to stay
You know cause you live through me.
It’s as if you’ve never left.
I do this cause i know you would be proud
Seven years between our births but you made it seem like seven minutes on a cloud
Even though you had awkward ways of showing it.
You loved me and i know it.
You were my brother so you put me through it.
You told me I’m smart and i can do it.
I believe it.
I can see it.
But I’m still here to tell you so. I gotta learn to love and let go all the while letting you know.
That I’m here.
I’m loved.
You were a particular favorite to heaven above.
You and the angels have mom and i protected like were softballs in a glove.
Heaven couldn’t wait for you so they made you a dove.
Dove of love
There’s no doubt in my mind
That you would never leave me stray
No matter what cruelty I may find
That you’ll never turn away.

Reminders

Remind me of the time when we were ourselves
Never mind when we tried to chase the limelight
When it all goes down, will you remember you?
Remind me of the time where I knew my family, my friends, and the places we went
They’re all changing
Places aren’t what they once meant
Love is recycled and borrowed
And not nurtured with care
Like parents look after their seeds
If you do show you care, people awkwardly stop and stare
So I have to ask:
When it all goes down, will you remember you?
Remind me of the time where people believed in chances
When we were little in the middle of circles doing dances
The more things change, they stay the same
Some people stay indifferent, others will never be tame
However, there’s no slowing down for me. Things may shift but I must stay with both feet on the ground
With sights unfamiliar
Tastes never tasted
Feelings never felt before
But as you leave the floor, please let me know that:
When it all goes down, do you remember you?
Do you know where you’ll land?
Do you know you’re power?
Or your upper hand?

You, Yourself, and You )

You, Yourself, and You
I can’t take away from you
Nor can I add to you
All I can do is let you be you
It seems like you can’t be stopped even when you feel as if your letting the world down
When you think shit isn’t happening to you it is
Everything grows around you like a garden
Don’t be envious of other flowers growing around you.
You grow on your own terms
Not on the validation, pace, or admission of others.
You’re no ones project or stepping stone
You ride your own wave
If no one is down for you you go it alone
You realize everyone else is in a cave
Every move you make leaves a handprint on someone’s heart
You’re unforgettable
The way you live your life is not
regrettable
It’s all you wanted
It’s all you needed
So just receive it
And run with it
Go out
You know what it is now

Let Me Cry on your Shoulder

Let me cry on your shoulder
Kiss me out of this pain
Or just let me cry until the emotions flow out.
You’re my place where i shout
You’re my little blue pill for the taking
Feelings arisen out of me like the dead
I keep these secrets, ideas, and feelings in a little jar
For those who are worthy
It’s a space that I save and many don’t stay for long

Too Many Nights…….

Too many nights I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.
The world doesn’t wait for you, but I do.
Too many nights I’ve pondered about whether you’re going to see life for what it is.
Too many nights I’ve wondered if you’ve let the failures of your life and others around you keep you down.
Too many I’ve wondered why it hasn’t?
Too many nights I’ve questioned your resilience. Your strength through the pain. I wonder if you ever cry?
Too many nights we’ve watched people die. Literally and figuratively speaking. And you’ve kept on like a soldier in the midst of war.
Stoic and powerful as the world was crumbling right in front of your face.
Too many nights i’ve wondered how our people did it in the past.
Too many nights I wonder how I would do anything without you.
Too many nights I would be a lost pup, a child without their parent.

But tonight I sit here. With an image of your face engraved in my mind.
Your voice ringing in my ear like a school bell.
Keeping your words on repeat b/c they mean so much and hold so much meaning and power over me like a paper weigh
Saying too many nights I stay alive and keep on keeping on because of you.

Magical?

Although we don’t all believe in magic,
There are some times i believe moments are magical
Like the time our souls danced against the light
I had my arms wrapped around him
To feel the closeness of being close to someone for the first time.
Letting my maze runner guard around my heart come down
And it be okay.
Just to squeeze and ingest his intoxicating smell. I ingested his scent like a cat marking its territory.
It was nothing sexual
Just intimate
Just beautiful
I was addicted to holding him, observing, and taking the scenery that was him.
Even looking at the intricate scars and flaws on him.
Like a beautiful mistake (at the risk of sounding corny)
These things mean nothing to people in my generation probably.
But it means the world to me.
We swayed to the sound of the music pouring out of the speakers.
The music might as well have been off.
Cause we danced to our personal song. Our bodies swayed to a different tune.
A tune we knew
A tune we only knew the words and melody to.
Is this magic?
Sure I’m in a trance but am I really under a hypnotic spell? Or hypnotic thrill?
To know that I’ve gained and I lost but that means nothing when I’m being held down by the weight of this human being is relieving as all hell.
I don’t wanna pour my whole heart into this and hurt.
So our souls danced against that dim light and the song ended we stayed.
Just cool
Just calm
Could this be magical?

The Past Curse

Thought about the time where we thought we could catch the world in
our hands like catching fireflies in bottles

We raged in our childhood
Vowing to never grow up
It never made a difference because
we would grow up anyway

We would grow up and grow out

There’s no stopping the vows we
broke in the past
We’re like our parents
promising things that got swept under the rug due to memory
Or that never came to

It’s embedded in our DNA
Also embedded with the unwavering curiosity.

Forgiven Not Forgotten

For all this time I forgot how much I hated you
And how much I cared
And how the anger and resentment built up inside me like the berlin walls
And nothing can make them fall

For such a long time the rage
Made me put you above it all
Cause you were a skyscraper
Causing a dark cloud on my
Life. Living in such strife.
Staining my innocence as if you
poured coffee on my white shirt
Damn that hurt

But still as I sit here clutching
The painful, petrifying, past in my hand in the form of a ribbon
I’m trapped. The tears are a mixture of happiness that I’m making the step of letting go and of frustration that I’ve held on so long and let your sickness grow on me like a cancer
I let the ribbon go
It flies following the ways of the wind
I look up and I’m finally free again

Keep On Dancing

Don’t care what tomorrow brings
I wanna keep on dancing
Although I do care what the people of tomorrow sing
I wanna keep on dancing
Until my back aches like the ancestors who were before me
Like the life that bores me
The spotlight doesn’t need to be on me
Some light in the darkness is all i want to see
I wanna keep on dancing
Until it all enlightens me
I wanna find an answer but not under duress
I wanna keep on dancing
But it’s so much stress
The world is such a mess
that it feels like i have to keep on dancing
To leave a smile on my face
And keep blood off my dress
I wanna keep on dancing like its Sunday morning
Rejoicing and singing
So i won’t have to mourn the lives that leave me, the issues and people that skeeve me
I keep on dancing for those who can’t dance anymore
My body will twist and contort like no other before.