Emotional Virginity

Never been touched with the rush of butterflies in my stomach

I’m still resting at the mountain

Color as bright as the sun that hits it

Waiting for what they call love to hit me with the force of an avalanche

I shine and reflect like the colors in catholic church windows

 

It’s still ripe, open, and facing the sun

Like fruit yearning to be bitten into

It’s full, juicy, and optimistic with hope and color that shines and glimmers in its exterior

Not lying and watching time tick for someone to pluck me off my feet

Nor can I control who I love

It’s a carefully daunting task when you choose the one you love

But in an imperfect world where falling is inevitable

There’s the risk of stepping on a landmine, blowing my limbs away

Stepping in quicksand

Drowning in love

 

Never been struck by the lightning of love

The others thought it was love

But I didn’t feel anything

It was novacane love

It was lifeless

Dull and painful to act like I cared

I could taste their deceit

But they couldn’t taste mine

Their lies were dark chocolate bitter sweet

 

Sweet because they were on me

Being beautifully suffocated in clouds of fake ecstasy

Bitter because they were almost true

The grip of an anaconda wrapped around my throat

Strangled my spirit and turned me blue

And out of so-called love

 

Never been stroked and rocked by the seas that encompass

Feelings I’ve never felt before

I’ve been left to drift in the sea

Like a ship to wreck

My brain is riddled by the salt water

Of the sea that soaked into my body and washed my lips

No ship has let me come aboard

I guess they don’t see me

I hold onto tides and waves

But they get and harder and harder to hold onto

They get harder to ride because I don’t know how to

I’ve survived by going with the tide

But never satisfying it

Or satisfying myself

I would like to detach myself from my

Own loneliness if that’s possible

 

I wanna hold my breath under this endless sea in an attempt to find peace

To find something real

Until I lose my emotional virginity