For all this time I forgot how much I hated you
And how much I cared
And how the anger and resentment built up inside me
like the Berlin walls
And nothing can make them fall
For such a long time the rage
made me put you above it all
Cause you were a skyscraper
Causing a dark cloud on my life. Living in such strife.
Staining my innocence as if you
poured coffee on my white shirt
Damn that hurt
But still as I sit here clutching the painful
petrifying, past in my hand in the form of
a ribbon, I’m trapped.
The tears are a mixture of happiness
because I’m taking the step of letting go and
the frustration that I’ve held on so long
and let your sickness grow on me like a
I let the ribbon go
It flies following the ways of the wind
I look up and I’m finally free again.
I wonder what makes people this way? Was it God’s way of punishment towards them or their parents? One of the patients I look after, John Donovan is one of the most peculiar and wildest patients sporadically strips himself naked saying “the spirits have got hold of me”. John says this repeatedly and continues to act erratically for 3 more days, only to calm down, and act “normal” again. What spirits john? What spirits have got hold of you so tightly that you’ve got to act this way?? I think in my mind as I administer the drug into his body that will render him tired, unconscious, spiritless, and “normal”. I can’t help but think, what is “normal” to John? What’s normal to any of these people anyway? All their lives they’ve been poked, proded, and examined as if they’re animals. Even the way this cold, huge, grey, industrial building is set up adds towards the pain. The Nathan Wild Asylum is what its called. The building is gargantuan. It’s almost like a castle out of those novels mom read me from the middle ages. The halls are white, long, wide, and blank. This is where boredom goes to die. This is where life gets trapped and is in a standstill. This is where boredom might just drive you mad. This is hell. The cells where John Donovan and the patients are expected to be cured or live until someone sees fit for them to leave are cold just like the whole lifeless building. The cells with bars of steel is made for them to be contained. I personally don’t think shoving someone in a dark windowless, cold cell to receive mind and body altering drugs through a slot is the best remedy for being cured of a mental illness. I don’t have a remedy for it however, do we really ever get cured of mental illness? I assume John will just take life day by day, clutching onto the sanity that got served to them through a rectangular, metal, slot. Donovan suffers from what is called Paralytic Insanity. He almost borders on General Paralysis because of his raving and unmanageable behavior. I don’t find it to be crazy. He knows something we don’t know about beyond the earth and universe. He communicates with them on an outer body level that we don’t understand. He speaks to ghosts. How odd would it be to speak to ghosts?