Emotional Virginity

Never been touched with the rush of butterflies in my stomach

I’m still resting at the mountain

Color as bright as the sun that hits it

Waiting for what they call love to hit me with the force of an avalanche

I shine and reflect like the colors in catholic church windows

 

It’s still ripe, open, and facing the sun

Like fruit yearning to be bitten into

It’s full, juicy, and optimistic with hope and color that shines and glimmers in its exterior

Not lying and watching time tick for someone to pluck me off my feet

Nor can I control who I love

It’s a carefully daunting task when you choose the one you love

But in an imperfect world where falling is inevitable

There’s the risk of stepping on a landmine, blowing my limbs away

Stepping in quicksand

Drowning in love

 

Never been struck by the lightning of love

The others thought it was love

But I didn’t feel anything

It was novacane love

It was lifeless

Dull and painful to act like I cared

I could taste their deceit

But they couldn’t taste mine

Their lies were dark chocolate bitter sweet

 

Sweet because they were on me

Being beautifully suffocated in clouds of fake ecstasy

Bitter because they were almost true

The grip of an anaconda wrapped around my throat

Strangled my spirit and turned me blue

And out of so-called love

 

Never been stroked and rocked by the seas that encompass

Feelings I’ve never felt before

I’ve been left to drift in the sea

Like a ship to wreck

My brain is riddled by the salt water

Of the sea that soaked into my body and washed my lips

No ship has let me come aboard

I guess they don’t see me

I hold onto tides and waves

But they get and harder and harder to hold onto

They get harder to ride because I don’t know how to

I’ve survived by going with the tide

But never satisfying it

Or satisfying myself

I would like to detach myself from my

Own loneliness if that’s possible

 

I wanna hold my breath under this endless sea in an attempt to find peace

To find something real

Until I lose my emotional virginity  

Part of Me, Part of Him

There’s a part of me that wants to love him

I see he’s so damaged

He’s a rare animal caught in one of man’s  contraptions

I feel that he once walked the walk I walked

He convinced me that I’m not crazy

That I’m not alone

 

However

 

There’s a part of him that’s occupied by another

That I can’t stop

I don’t want a crazy mess on my hands

I don’t want his worries

Her heartbreak

And my guilt on my hands

Like the blood on the scene of a crime

 

But there’s a part of me that want his time

 

Because time never ends when I’m with him

There’s a part of him that’s stuck with her

Their history thick with bonds, inside jokes

and bridges I could never burn

Blocks that I’ll never build

And sparks that could never be reignited

 

She is lucky to have him

Like a snack in a cracker jack box

She probably cherishes him

But not the way I would

And not as strongly as I could

There’s a part of me that wants to turn

The potential energy of us

Into the kinetic energy of lust

And love that’ll shatter my soul like glass

But this time my feelings too shall pass

 

There’s a part of me that prays he won’t stay with her

Or that she’ll leave him

And that he’ll want me

I’m being selfish but the part of me that wants him is taking over

 

I want to believe there’s a part of him that want a part of me

But I know I’ll never see

So I’ll take the pain of unrequited love and just be

Because I’m tired of dreaming

And maybe the next beloved will see

Interesting…..

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via These New York women thrive in male-dominated industries — New York Post

The Eighteenth

It’s the eighteenth and it doesn’t even dawn on me that he’s gone
Maybe it dawns on me that he’s never coming back
I wish i felt something for it
I wish i could cry for it
Stand up and die for it
But there’s nothing there
My eyes are as dry as the sahara desert
My brain trying to drain it out as if i could drown it and suppress it
But he’s here
Not anywhere else

Anchors

Holding me down with all the power you have is exhilarating but it won’t help me
It won’t free me
The anchors at the bottom, unchain me like a melody

Life could be sweet like candy
If you weren’t so stubborn
Plans don’t go smooth and dandy
Sometimes timing is torn

I could map the answers in the stars
And watch your bumbling slip off your lips in confusion
But you wouldn’t accept it
You wouldn’t entertain it
The universe couldn’t maintain it

Fake what you can
But deep down you’re a jester
Love to you is profound
To you caring for me is being a clown

Life could be sweet like candy
If you weren’t so stubborn
Plans don’t go smooth and dandy
Sometimes timing is torn

I live in my truth
You’re so withered your lies cave in on you like a roof
Pull me down, do what makes you feel comfortable
But you’ll never life until you find something worth being uncomfortable

Through and True

Walking through it all
Knowing that it was worth taking a fall
Keeping the tears behind the mask
It was such a daunting task
It makes us crazy
It makes us rebels against the machine
Giving so much to feel whole
To remain with remains of bursted bubbles and dreams
Through all the scams and schemes
I found you
The true diamond in the rough
The really rough rivers i don’t mind riding with
Your curves and bumps in your river are mine
I’ll skate away until the end of time
If you promise to take a stand of life
With me
All the pain and strife can be taken in stride and set free like a ribbon in the sky.

One Night Calls

One night calls
One way stalls
We’re stuck between an alternate universe
Catching our moments whenever we can like fireflies in a jar at summer time
They usually die out but let’s cherish and savor it while we can

Let’s live and die like fireflies
Lighting up at times
But look luminous while doing it
Shining in places they don’t see
Glowing at times without notice

It’s only a 2 second light
It’s only a shot in the dark
But it’s a shooting star close to the eye

Sound Unknown

If everything is below me
Then why is everything so loud?
I’m in this for myself
But i put everyone in front of me
It’s like I take steps forward
But I’m always in back
All the time

When do things truly go your way when you make everyone get their way
It’s all loud and there’s sound but there’s nothing worth hearing
When I put myself in the front
I mess it up thinking whether I hit the right note or the nerve
The voices in pity telling me i did good but i know the truth

I can’t even tell you what the faces were like
It doesn’t even matter
Colorful masks with twisted, morphed faces see through me
Because I’m a glass home
You’re allowed to throw stones

I’ll never be good enough for things I love
Because they break too

My sound is unknown
My smile is wide like a clown
My speaking voice is loud and telling the truth until it drowns
Until it drowns out by the sound
That no one wants to hear

Realizing Seven

Realizing that you could be so far away never really affected me
Until I felt the wind gently sweeping through the window and into the room where you slept
Being alone doesn’t scare me
Knowing that no one cares does
You acted like you didn’t care
But you did
Seven years apart in age doesn’t exactly read personality match
The green walls filled with posters of wrestlers and rappers make me giggly like a kid.
I realize I’m still a kid in your eyes

Unfinished Life

Whatever was unfinished in your life I wanna finish it for you
If i don’t make it for me, I’ll make it for you
That’s the way it goes
Nothing ever ends without the ending
And that’s the truth
Take the stress and pain off your hands
And put it into mine
I’m a martyr for the bloodline
A giver for the new one
Your dreams never end until they’re accomplished and done
Until your soul feels whole
You will never need to be consoled
Solace and pain left your body when you left the earth
It felt so free to let it be in one place
And have a blank slate in another.
The life you wanted will become completed from a friend to another
From a sister to a brother
From a father to a daughter